The WORST “Country” Songs of 2024

Down with Pop Country 70 Comments


We’ve run down the Song of the Year nominees, the Single of the Year nominees, as well as the Album of the Year nominees for 2024. Now it’s time to give the WORST offerings in “country” music their fair due. And no, we’re not holding back our feelings at all. We’re rearing back and letting ’em have it.

WARNING: This exercise isn’t for the faint of heart. But don’t forget, we’re just having fun at the expense of very bad songs.

Brian Kelley – “Kiss My Boots”

Florida Georgia Line’s Brian Kelley should be glad he’s not cleaning bidets at Mar-a-Lago for a living. He hung on to the nut sack of Tyler Hubbard to stardom, standing there making millions as his entirely disposable harmony vocals were run through an Auto-Tuner before being buried imperceptibly in the mix. Brian Kelley was a prop so the outfit could qualify for “Duo of the Year” trophies and because Tyler Hubbard looked like he was still eating glue in the 8th grade.

Brian Kelley’s “Kiss My Boots” is apparently a send off to his former bandmate. Gone are they days when these two were rubbing their taints together, and writing terrible tractor rap songs with seven other assholes that would get stuck at the top of the country charts for 17 weeks. These dudes are the reason people now think it’s okay to call Beyonce “country.”

Kiss his boots? Instead, Brian Kelley sticks his foot in his mouth. He’s supposed to be calling out Tyler Hubbard, but instead Kelley enacts a spectacular self-own from how shitty this song is. Don’t get me wrong, I do find a little sadistic pleasure in Beavis and Butt-Head bloodying each other up in a public manner. It’s not like Tyler Hubbard is worth defending. But this dog don’t hunt. It takes a big dump on the kitchen floor, and lays there licking its privates while you have to clean it up. (read full rant)

Alli Walker – “Nashville”

Do they make rape kits for ears? Because if they do, kindly swab the deep abrasions inflicted by the violent and unwanted trespasses upon the inner tympanic canal by this audio abomination to verify the culprits, and then deploy any and all resources to apprehend and prosecute the perpetrators to the fullest extent of the law. The public broadcast of this song should constitute crimes against humanity under the articles of the Geneva Conventions. The Gaza Strip is a more hospitable place at this moment than being anywhere within a single decibel’s range of this “song.”

“Nashville” is the lowest form of pandering to the stereotypical Lower Broadway tourist lured into the entertainment corridor by flashing lights, bottomless nachos, and the offhand chance of a Morgan Wallen sighting. And it’s all co-written by the King of Nashville Grift, Mr. Applebee’s himself, Walker Hayes.

I thought we were supposed to look beyond the doltish lyricism of Walker Hayes songs to recognize his strong Christian values and dedication to his family. Meanwhile, here he is co-signing his name to a song that has ladies smacking their asses, grabbing their “goodie goodies” (tits), and drops a straight-up f-bomb in the middle of the song, and right before name dropping the sainted Dolly Parton no less. (read full rant)

Jelly Roll and MGK – “Lonely Road”

Thank God John Denver is dead so he’s spared from having to experience this monstrosity constructed from his iconic ode to West Virginia. For the rest of us poor souls, we’re subject to getting assaulted by this while innocently walking through a supermarket like a 2nd shifter on the New York subway. This thing churns the stomach harder than the chopped onions of a McDonald’s quarter pounder. MGK can eat no fat, and Jelly Roll can eat no lean. These two pieces of human refuse are Example #1 and #1A of failing upwards in America.

Is there even one of these assholes who can actually compose an original song anymore, or is it all just all a perpetual ripoff? Jelly Roll helped crown the 2023 version of this Worst Songs list by bastardizing Dobie Gray’s “Drift Away” with Dustin Lynch.

Every time you see Jelly Roll, this quote comes to mind:

“Villains who twirl their mustaches are easy to spot. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged.” –Jean-Luc Picard

Sam Hunt – “Locked Up”

What in the mothertrucker is this, Sam Hunt? You think you’ve got the mustard to fill the shoes of Johnny “caught at the Mexican border with 1,100 pills” Cash? If The Man in Black were here today, he’d put his size 13 Red Wing straight up your keister and break it off for this abomination.

Sam Hunt thought he would try to exploit his arrest for drunk driving now five years ago through a song. Then to add the mother of all insults to injury, for the video for the new song, Sam Hunt casts himself in the role of Johnny Cash from the iconic San Quentin prison performance from 1969. What hubris.

If Sam Hunt actually showed up to a prison to perform this song, a riot would ensue and he’d get shanked in the neck with a sharpened toothbrush handle. Besides, subjecting prisoners to Sam Hunt’s music would most certainly be ruled as a form of cruel and unusual punishment and stayed by the Supreme Court. Most would rather get raped in a mop closet by a prison gang or face lethal injection as opposed to being forcibly placed in a Sam Hunt audience. (read full rant)

Walker Hayes – The Zach Bryan “Diss Track”

Perhaps there’s never been an individual inhabiting the Earth that has felt more safe and happy in the enveloping arms of corporate America while suckling off the industry teat of high fructose corn syrup than Walker Hayes. This f–ker has purposely allowed himself to become synonymous with Applebee’s, a.k.a. the Destroyer of Worlds when it comes to locally owned eateries. Forget having no shame. Walker Hayes actively leans into being a corporate shill.

After Tyler Childers had his first ever appearance in the country radio Top 50, Zach Bryan tweeted, “‘First ever’ is fuckn insane, one of the best songwriters to ever do it.” And then later, “Imagine being radio (whoever the hell that is), hearing Shake the Frost and being like ‘no no let’s go with the Applebees song’.”

In response, Walker Hays recorded a supposed “diss track.” If nothing else, you’ve got to give Walker Hayes credit for being on brand. Some music outlets were quick to characterize the song as a “scratch track” to an upcoming song. No, this is the kind of shit Walker Hayes releases as actual music—slapdashed lyricism over the most simplistic electronically-generated MIDI beats.

When Dave Portnoy destroys you in the diss track game, you know you’re bad. (read full rant)

Kane Brown and Marshmello – “Miles On It”

Perhaps it’s appropriate that at Halloween time in 2024, and the performer with the #1 song on country radio was a buffoonish, goofy-headed cartoonist-like doofus that’s an unequivocal embarrassment to the country music genre.

…and even worse, Kane Brown paired up with a dude with a marshmallow on his head to record it.

After a 30-second taste, I determined I’d rather ingest an Almond Joy laced with a razor blade, or put out a flaming bag of poo on my front porch in a brand new pair of $1,800 Lucchese boots than be subjected to a nanosecond more of this monstrous abomination oozing out of the hind quarters of the Music Row sausage factory like a wicked shit, only to be animated similar to Frankenstein to terrorize unsuspecting country music fans on the public airwaves.

Marty Stuart, David Allan Coe, and Alison Krauss never had a #1 song in country, but now this marshmallow asshole does. Country music has come a long way in the last couple of years. But apparently it’s still capable to serving up this kind of vapid, meaningless dribble, and taking it all the way to #1. (read full rant)

© 2025 Saving Country Music

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