Luke Bryan’s New Song “Fish Hunt Golf Drink” (A Rant)

Down with Pop Country 25 Comments


Bro-Country (#535) on the Country DDS.

It would be celebrated as benevolent charity, and welcomed as a divine validation of the awesome presence of the Almighty if a hantavirus-infected rodent crawled up the keister of this incessantly embarrassing country music goober, and started gnawing away until it keeled him over, forever silencing his completely embarrassing, expendable, and culturally disastrous redneck shitracket.

In a slavish and naked attempt to stay relevant, Luke Bryan has released a song so spectacularly tooled and refined for optimum resonance in 2016, it’s outright eerie. Did Bryan take a blow to the noggin and somehow completely memory hole the last decade? Does the truly think that list-tastic Bro-Country swill is still all the rage, or ripe for resurrection? What in the Florida Georgia Line is he thinking by unleashing this atrocious pablum?

The same people consulting Luke Bryan to release this “song” are equivalent to the ones that said the War in Iran would be over in 72 hours. “Fish Hunt Golf Drink” should definitely be taken as a sign of a declining empire in its last dying gasps of cultural relevance, trundling down the toilet hole in the throes of late stage Capitalism.

Anyone in any way even slightly tangentially involved in the writing, production, and/or recording and distribution of this song should be frog marched into the middle of 16th Avenue in Nashville, and publicly pelted with rotten fruit as onlookers point and laugh at their diminutive genitals.

Luke Bryan almost never writes his own songs, because of course he sucks at it. But for some godforsaken reason, he decides to take a stab at it here, yet inadvertently bullseyes his own jugular, bleeding out whatever final modicum of popular relevance he might have been clinging to.

And goodness, what has happened to Luke Bryan the man? He’s really let himself go. Remember when he was out there trying to be country music’s sexpot, humping the air on stage with a signature hip hunch he coined “the move“? Now in the visualizer for this song, he’s perfecting some sort of dad bod version of Refrigerator Perry’s Super Bowl shuffle, looking like a man in arrears for a colonoscopy and prostate exam.


But of course, “Fish Hunt Golf Drink” will be #1 on country radio for seven damn weeks, and precede every single college football game this upcoming fall in some ESPN cross-promotional monstrosity cooked up by a bunch of cucks in khakis, making all actual country fans want to sink into their couch cushions each Saturday as they feel their balls shrivel up into their abdomen.

Yes, “Fish Hunt Golf Drink” is definitely reigniting conversation around Luke Bryan once again. But not in the way they intended. Even dudes who were rockin’ Morgan Wallen mullets a few years back are looking at Luke who’s clinging to his position on American Idol to keep him off the county fair circuit, shaking their heads and saying, “It’s a no from me, dog.”

As you might be able to tell, the take on this song wasn’t particularly favorable here at Saving Country Music dot com.

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