Imagine using the most advanced surgical procedures to meticulously isolate and extract the very kernel essence of what made performers like Sam Hunt and Florida Georgia Line so sinister and cringe
Better him than me. About the only reason you’d ever see this lil’ buckaroo anywhere near Jason Aldean’s monstrosity on Lower Broadway in Nashville is if was involved losing a bet. That’s basically the reason one Fantasy Footballer.
We’ve run down the Song of the Year nominees, the Single of the Year nominees, as well as the Album of the Year nominees for 2024. Now it’s time to give the WORST offerings in “country” music their fair due.
After a 30-second taste, I determined I’d rather ingest an Almond Joy laced with a razor blade, or put out a flaming bag of poo on my front porch in a brand new pair of $1,800 Lucchese boots than be subjected to this song.
If you’ve ever wondered who those zombies are whose idea of a good time is to frequent Lower Broadway and spend five hours hopping between corporate bars, this song is exclusively for them.
I saw Jason Aldean perform on the 2024 CMT Awards, and now I’m a RACIST! Aldean performed in front of the 27-story University of Texas Tower in Austin, and murdered it harder than Charles Joseph Whitman.
To add the mother of all insults to injury, for the video for his new song, Sam Hunt casts himself in the role of Johnny Cash from the iconic San Quentin prison performance from 1969. What hubris.
Brian Kelley, take your damn millions, and enjoy the rest of your life playing the county fair circuit like a man. Because if you think this Bro-Country mess is due for a resurgence in 2024, I’ve got some Sam Hunt stock to sell you.
Perhaps there’s never been an individual inhabiting the Earth that has felt more safe and happy in the enveloping arms of corporate America while suckling off the industry teat of high fructose corn syrup than Walker Hayes.
We’ve run down some of the best songs and the best singles in country music in 2023. Now it’s time to dredge up the worst of the worst, which in 2023 sees multiple songs attempting to rework older songs.
It should be of no surprise to anyone that as we check in on the bulbous, puss-filled malignant growth that is Dustin Lynch’s pop country career that it’s in need of laceration, draining, and intense radiation.
The horror on this poor woman’s face says it all. What could cause this reaction? Let’s look at some of the worst case scenarios in country music.
We need another country music awards show like we need another natural disaster. In fact, I’m half certain it’s because humanity is so busied by meaningless baubles like redundant country music awards shows that God has forsaken us.
So Jake Owen is still a thing, huh? I thought he’d be managing a Chipotle in Murfreesboro at this point. But the summer drunk song season is here, and so the perennially tan one is back to drop another deuce.
This weekend, Police and Fire personnel had large swaths of downtown Austin cordoned off due to a mass casualty/hazardous exposure event, also known as the CMT Awards. The barriers and checkpoints weren’t there to keep freeloaders out, it was to keep the grotesque infection of pop country quarantined.
Not only does Will Thompson’s “Checklist” perfectly parody problematic country music found on the radio, it also maligns a lot of the other elements that accompany these kinds of songs, like rap cadences, the rising radio chorus, and Auto-Tuned vocal signals. He’s pretty merciless and thorough.
It’s so often embarrassing as a country music fan when some mainstream “country” (in quotations) performer gets presented on a national stage. The most recent example was Blanco Brown singing the National Anthem ahead of the NASCAR race on Sunday (3-19) at the Atlanta Motor Speedway.
Will this be the next trend to overtake mainstream country? Of course not. That’s part of what is hilarious about this. As disturbing as Katie Noel’s take on “country” is, it’s also horrifically outdated. This stuff peaked in 2011 with Jason Aldean and “Dirt Road Anthem.” Heard from Colt Ford lately?
Of course around these parts, this is just regular Monday morning conversation. But if you think that dedicated country music fans are repulsed by much of the stuff that transpires in the mainstream of country, think about how you might feel if you’re repulsed by country already.
The indicted conspirators in an underage female sex trafficking ring based out of the Dominican Republic? Spokespeople who would like to tell you about the symptoms and dangers of an enlarged prostate? Models for JCPenny’s exciting new line of upcoming spring fashions for 2023?
If we’re being honest, country music continues to improve across the board, including in the mainstream as we continue to get farther and farther away from the Bro-Country era. But there are still some stragglers and terrible songs out there that are worth exposing to the sunlight and watching them whither.
It’s a tradition as tried and true as grandma’s pumpkin pie. Every year on Thanksgiving Day, a football team has to make the worst possible pick for a halftime performer from the dregs of pop country, and embarrass country music on a national stage like your drunk uncle going on a racist tirade in front of your fiance.
After Blackberry Smoke had finished playing and before Jamey Johnson took the stage, personalities from the local pop country radio station, New Country KX 96.9, came out to fill time between the set change. The crowd of mostly traditional country fans was not too impressed with the results.
Larping as a ode to hard working rural folks, “Rolex® On A Redneck” is really just a laundry list of product endorsements from Gilbert for stuff actual farmers would never be caught dead with. Dusty Bumpkins on a sorghum patch outside of OshKosh isn’t sporting a Rolex.