Chris Gaines Named as Garth Brooks Replacement at Ireland Shows

400,000 fans received the disappointing news today that Garth Brooks will not be performing at five sold-out shows scheduled at Dublin’s Croke Park from July 25th through the 29th. The shows were supposed to be the first big concerts for Garth after his 13-year retirement. The local city council refused to grant permits for all five shows consecutively, citing bylaws put in place by residents around the stadium who were concerned about the noise and traffic that would be generated on five straight nights. The council capped the amount of shows at three, and when Garth gave the ultimatum that it was all five shows or nothing, an impasse ensued.
A last ditch effort to salvage all five of the Garth Brooks shows was being shopped around between the local city council and the promoters of the shows on Monday. The idea on the table was to delay the final two shows to satisfy the stadium bylaws. But a defiant Garth Brooks finally decided to pull the plug on the entire idea if local authorities would not play ball.
Though Garth Brooks has made it clear he won’t be showing up to perform at any of the concerts, permits for the first three nights of the show have still been approved. Looking to salvage whatever they can from the debacle, the local promoters have announced they have found a replacement for Brooks, and it will be another entertainer coming out of retirement to perform for the Croke Park crowd. Dark-edged alternative rocker Chris Gaines has been named as the Garth Brooks replacement. It will be the first shows Gains has played in public since being the musical guest on Saturday Night Live in 1999.
Gaines, who released the double-platinum album In The Life of Chris Gaines and had a Top 5 single with “Lost In You” in 1999 says he understands many Garth fans will be disappointed the “Low Places” singer will not be making the trip to Ireland, but he will do everything he can to put on an electrifying show.
Concertgoers with tickets to the first three Croke Park shows are being given a choice to either receive a refund, or use their tickets for the Chris Gaines replacement shows.
“Chris Gaines? Are you kidding me?” one local ticket holder exclaimed after hearing the news. “I’d rather shit a blarney stone.”
Another ticket holder was confused on who Chris Gaines was. “Wasn’t he that gay American Olympic diver who cracked his head on the diving board that one time? Oh, that was Greg Louganis? Yeah screw this, I want my money back. It can’t happen fast enough.”
Rumored to be making guest appearances with Chris Gaines for the shows will be former Saturday Night Live cast member Chris Kattan reprising his famous SNL character “Mango.”
“We knew that no matter who we found as a replacement for Garth, fans were going to be disappointed,” local promoter Patty Frankenfurter said. “But we really feel like Chris Gaines is the closest thing to Garth aside from Garth himself.”
“Mango” could not be reached for comment.
July 8, 2014 @ 7:13 pm
what the hell did you do, pull this out of The Onion?
July 8, 2014 @ 7:28 pm
Look at the tags.
July 8, 2014 @ 7:35 pm
Hahaha! Excellent article. Although I’m disappointed Mango is making an appearance. I’d rather it be Doug Butabi from Night at the Roxbury.
July 8, 2014 @ 8:16 pm
ahhhhhhhhh……digging for more gold I see! While Luke Bryan’s “makin’ it rain” elsewhere (shudders)………..Gaines will be making it snow in July! 😉
*
It’s funny because, in retrospect, I think “Garth Brooks…………in the Life of Chris Gaines” was nowhere near as bad as most reviewers made it out to be at the time. The impression I get is that most weren’t even readily willing to hear the songs on their own merit, and trashed the project because of 1) the gimmicky air the promotion had (which I understand) and 2) Brooks’ overall image and the ridiculously lofty expectations he was pressured t live up to that were quite likely improbable to achieve.
For a mainstream adult contemporary pop/rock album, though………..after moving past succumbing to that sort of groupthink and objectively approaching the album on its own…………I honestly thought it was better than the majority of efforts in the genre it was marketed under at that time. Both individually and as a whole, aside from the individual dud “Get Together” which just didn’t click with its attempt at a sarcastic rap verse, the songs aren’t bad at all even if some are backed by rather conventional, vanilla production. I thought his reading of “It Don’t Matter to the Sun” was pretty solid, I enjoyed more introspective moments like “Main Street”, and even the opener “That’s the Way I Remember It” was melodically gripping. Outside of that, outside of “Right Now”, I thought the album wasn’t lacking in effort as far as lyricism is concerned.
Would I favor that album over “No Fences” or “The Chase”? Of course not. But I do believe a case can be made that it was better than “Sevens”, or even “Fresh Horses”.
July 29, 2014 @ 1:41 pm
You know, I was dreading this album when I put it on, but you’re actually right: it isn’t half bad. The one thing I will say that it’s certainly aged better than, say, the Backstreet Boys’ or *NSYNC’s material of the same era and later. I think that’s because it’s aimed at adults rather than teenage girls, which helps the appeal and perceived maturity level. Of course, Garth apes that slightly irritating boy band mock R&B vocal style to fit in with the trend, but otherwise his voice and range are surprisingly clear and expressive. The one downside to that aspect is the confirmation (as if there was really any doubt) that Garth’s twang was put on. I’ll concede that this album is better than Fresh Horses when viewing both as whole works, but singles-wise nothing on Chris Gaines beats “The Beaches of Cheyenne,” “To Make You Feel My Love” or even “Ireland.” I don’t personally think it’s even close to being better than Sevens, though, and I ain’t budging on that one. The pop album isn’t really offensive but calling it better than a decent country album is sacrilege, particularly around here 😛 . The sad irony is that … In the Life of Chris Gaines would pass for country music in 2014. Listen to that guitar on “Driftin’ Away”; almost twangy, isn’t it? Good thing Luke Bryan and Florida Georgia Line weren’t around to ape this material when it came out.
Question for everyone reading: Would you have preferred Garth release such an album under his guise as a country star or this created persona? I feel like foul would have been cried either way, taken for granted that the album was released of course.
July 29, 2014 @ 2:16 pm
I have never been able to get into “Fresh Horses” or “Sevens”, but that’s just me.
To me, “Fresh Horses” didn’t work because it just sounded like he was full-on adopting arena rock at that time as opposed to just deriving inspiration from it. Then, when he wised up to that realization by releasing “Sevens” and adopting a sound that was definitely more true to country but also much more slickly-produced and pop-influenced, it just felt more like a transitional experiment more than a focused album.
And what’s especially disappointing about “Sevens” to me is that, topically and thematically, it mostly focuses on Brooks’ doubts and insecurities, with some hope thrown in the mix. So this sort of heavier, personal subject matter calls for a meatier, denser and intimate air of production, right? Instead, we get some of the blandest and safest sounding production put on a Garth Brooks album to date. It just lacks teeth way too often; which renders the emotional subject matter ineffectual in its delivery. Then you have moments that totally interrupt the arc, with the most blatant offender being “Two Pina Coladas”.
Yes: there were moments on “Sevens” where the production was dialed down and that allowed Brooks’ emotional sensibilities to shine through. “Belleau Wood” was a very strong album-closer, especially. But, all in all, I defend my opinion on “Sevens” being the nadir of Brooks’ discography and, I dare say, inferior to “Garth Brooks in…. The Life of Chris Gaines.” The latter, in my opinion, was more successful at toeing the line between accessibility and intimacy.
July 29, 2014 @ 3:20 pm
As I said, I agree on Fresh Horses. That album was a bit overdone and ironically a bit dull. As far as an unfocused album goes, I’ve always felt that The Chase and Scarecrow fall more into that category, particularly the latter because of Brooks’ retirement and disillusionment with his career at that point. If anything, with the amount of covers and lack of touring support, Scarecrow ranks for me as his least inspired effort, though definitely listenable and not necessarily “bad.” For whatever reason I loathe “Wrapped Up in You” (a little too poppy, I think) but “Beer Run,” “Big Money,” and “When You Come Back to Me Again” are the stand outs for my ears. I also don’t understand where the album’s title came from (the only time I can think of the word being mentioned is, ironically, in a track on Sevens). The Chase is my least favorite work of Brooks’ catalog and ties with In the Life of Chris Gaines for last place. Neither are bad on their own terms and Brooks is remarkably good at making even his weakest material decent, but I wouldn’t recommend either. The former is too pretentious and when you can tell that the fame really went to his head. The latter is misguided but not bad as a pop record, but it’s hard to know who would enjoy it in his or country’s traditional fanbases.
As for Sevens, I’ve only listened to it all the way through once as of this writing, but I recall enjoying it much more than Fresh Horses, which might be why I’m wary of it being thrown in with it. It could be just that it felt like a breath of fresh air. If I know anything about my own ears it’s that they’re bipolar; I’ll never feel the same way about an album twice, whether it be better or worse than I remember it (though the differences for some may be negligible). I think that deeper subject matter is what I appreciated about Sevens. I’m not as astute with my criticism of musical production so I think I tuned into the words and appreciated the album from that facet. I completely agree with your assessment of “Two Piña Coladas”; that song irritates me to no end. While it’s almost certainly due to the fact that it was played to death in the late ’90s, it doesn’t help matters that there’s no depth or message to the song. This is even more apparent when it’s surrounded by serious, soul-searching-esque material. I suppose, though, that they figured Brooks’ fans wouldn’t buy a whole album of that material so they had to throw in the surefire hit single.
July 29, 2014 @ 3:45 pm
I can see where you’re coming from in why you view “The Chase” as a pretentious album. I can confidently state you are not alone in that perception.
However, “The Chase” just stood out, and still stands out, to me as his second-best album to date (only “No Fences” being superior) because of his willingness to swing hard for the fences and take risks with subject matter and themes. It’s imperfect for sure, in that sometimes he reverts back to the softer verse-explosive chorus crutch that a painful amount of contemporary music falls victim to…………but a solid majority of the time I personally feel he’s genuinely invested in tackling deeper subject matter like date rape, blue-collar consciousness and racial relations……….with production elements that allow an intimate interaction with the singer to take shape.
I can acknowledge its predecessor, “Ropin’ the Wind”, was more appealing musically and that it was more groove-oriented………….and so I concede it’s more a matter of taste which of these oft-cited releases are one’s personal favorite. To me, lyrics rank slightly higher in importance to me than the other elements (but I will always give credit to catchy songs where they are due that otherwise lack lyrical nutritional value if they have some charm and engaging production driving them) and it is for that reason why I regard “The Chase” more highly. But that’s just me, surely! =)
July 29, 2014 @ 9:26 pm
“I can see where you”™re coming from in why you view “The Chase” as a pretentious album. I can confidently state you are not alone in that perception. However, “The Chase” just stood out, and still stands out, to me as his second-best album to date (only “No Fences” being superior) because of his willingness to swing hard for the fences and take risks with subject matter and themes. It”™s imperfect for sure, in that sometimes he reverts back to the softer verse-explosive chorus crutch that a painful amount of contemporary music falls victim to”¦”¦”¦”¦but a solid majority of the time I personally feel he”™s genuinely invested in tackling deeper subject matter like date rape, blue-collar consciousness and racial relations”¦”¦”¦.with production elements that allow an intimate interaction with the singer to take shape. I can acknowledge its predecessor, “Ropin”™ the Wind”, was more appealing musically and that it was more groove-oriented”¦”¦”¦”¦.and so I concede it”™s more a matter of taste which of these oft-cited releases are one”™s personal favorite. To me, lyrics rank slightly higher in importance to me than the other elements (but I will always give credit to catchy songs where they are due that otherwise lack lyrical nutritional value if they have some charm and engaging production driving them) and it is for that reason why I regard “The Chase” more highly. But that”™s just me, surely! =)”
Wait a minute: how did he swing for the fences if there weren’t any? 😛 But in all seriousness I see what you mean. I think I’m a more passive listener in that I typically like music for comfortable entertainment, not challenging art, if you will. There’s a certain comfort to my soul when I hear something that vaguely sticks with trends but also has a good, wholesome message to it. That’s not to say that I don’t like songs that are down and dirty or otherwise uncomfortable in terms of content, just an observation. I hadn’t heard most of Garth’s albums in their entirety until recently and I was very impressed with his depth and wit in terms of songwriting and choosing material that he didn’t write. Of course, when you comparing it to mainstream country in 2014 that’s sort of like a toss up between a nice steak dinner and some moldy chocolate from a dumpster. But I love wordplay myself and however by-the-numbers or cliche it might be in the country genre, it really tickles my sense of humor.
Ironically, of the Garth “trilogy” of albums that no one disputes the quality of (Garth Brooks, No Fences and Ropin’ the Wind) I would have to say that No Fences is by far my least favorite. You want to talk about Sevens being toothless? That is my exact feeling on this album. It opens with one of the greatest country songs of all time in “The Thunder Rolls” but the rest of the album doesn’t live up to that promise, in my opinion. This tracks gives me chills every time I listen to it (and that’s into the hundreds by now, if only because of its omnipresence on the radio). With the exception of a few tracks, the rest of them just run together to me without many stand outs. I like “Friends in Low Places” (classic), “This Ain’t Tennessee” (almost reaches the heights of “The Thunder Rolls” for me) and “Wolves,” which is an artful metaphor for the disappearance of small town America and her residents (by the way, I have the “remastered” versions of the albums with an extra track on each). Otherwise, I consider the rest of this album to be utterly pedestrian. I feel like many people look back on that one as some type of cornerstone in Garth’s career because of it’s quality; I’d argue that it’s mainly because of a few killer singles and being the album that launched his career into the stratosphere. And no, despite the touching idea behind it I really don’t like “Unanswered Prayers.” That song, in direct opposition to my praise of “The Thunder Rolls,” has worn out its welcome with me. It was never my favorite to begin with and hearing it every two hours on an automated playlist on my local country pop station killed it for me. Funny that you should mention Ropin’ the Wind as that is my favorite of the “trilogy.”
I also have a fondness for lyrics as I partly illustrated with my fondness for wordplay. It hadn’t really hit me with full force how utterly and completely vapid 95% of mainstream country music is nowadays until I gave Garth a spin a few days ago. These party songs on the radio literally mean nothing, as we all talk about around here. But it hadn’t occurred to me just how needing I was of a good, nurturing message from a decent singer with mostly traditional instruments. In fact, it lifted my spirits for the whole week.
July 8, 2014 @ 8:53 pm
I looked Chris up. He’s Garth’s alter ego. I was originally pissed, but then i realized that it was actually fairly clever. Well played Garth, well played…
July 8, 2014 @ 9:12 pm
Just saw Chris Gaines play at the Welfare fest in Austin last month. He is a totally different singer now. So much better than Luke Bryan or Keney Chesney. He may be the alternative rock/country singer this music scene needs. He told me that he been battling drugs for the last 12 years, his ex-wife left him for a plumber and he lost his full time job as a karaoke instructor in Las Vegas. He been living in Alabama for the last 5 years learning the banjo under some of the most well known underground musicians there. He is psyched about his Ireland tour and hope everyone does not judge him too quickly for what he use to be like in the 90s. He has got that solid country hillbilly soul and ready to show the world some real music. Wait till he comes on tour there. You will see what I mean.
July 8, 2014 @ 9:30 pm
I hope not the same Chris Gaines I arrested for male prostitution……kinda looked like a poor man’s lead singer from the Goo Goo Dolls.
July 8, 2014 @ 9:30 pm
UPDATE: Citing concerns for the well-being of their client, Mango’s representatives announced he is cancelling his scheduled appearances at the Ireland shows. Mango’s reps gave a formal statement drafted by Mango himself that stated, “No, you can’t have the Mango!”
July 8, 2014 @ 9:45 pm
Giving Farce the Music a little competition. Good blurb.
July 8, 2014 @ 11:18 pm
So they’re filling 3 nights at Croke with that magician Criss Gaines Mind Freak..!? Three nights of magic in a row seems like a lot. Is there even a market anymore for stadium-sized magic shows…?
July 9, 2014 @ 7:35 am
” The council capped the amount of shows at three, and when Garth gave the ultimatum that it was all five shows or nothing, an impasse ensued.”
I guess the wait isn’t over.
Any explanation for this, other than”¦. it’s my ball, I’m going home?
July 9, 2014 @ 9:31 am
There has been no explanation. Maybe we will get one tomorrow and the much-ballyhooed press conference tomorrow. I think Garth just got cheesed by the ridiculousness of the whole thing, and was willing to eat 2 million dollars than get on his knees and grovel to a city council to allow him to pump millions into their local economy. Now they’ve got nothing. Garth loses millions, and still wins.
July 9, 2014 @ 8:07 am
“It’s so stupid! It’s just Garth Brooks in a wig!!!”
—- Brian Griffin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGcbXbGyu_4
July 9, 2014 @ 9:03 am
Funny stuff. 😀
July 9, 2014 @ 10:26 am
In case “The Mango” falls through maybe they can contact Mr. Peepers’ handlers and see if he’s available.
July 9, 2014 @ 10:52 am
Every time I see that picture of Chris Gaines it reminds me that Garth Brooks music sucks too.
July 11, 2014 @ 10:45 am
The reaction to Chris Gaines said a lot about the country music community, including its fans and the journalists who cover it. I think the negative sentiment surrounding the project was the product of a collective and instinctive rejection of experimentation. I doubt the quality of the music had much impact on the overall public perception of the album.
July 30, 2014 @ 1:41 am
The concept was also *really* silly.