Song Review – Clare Dunn’s “Tuxedo”
There’s bad. And then there’s immediately clasping your hands over your ears and running away screaming while you attempt to reason how something so vile could ever be proffered for human consumption, and use its mere existence as Exhibit A for why the American culture has gone completely to hell in a shit basket. Clare Dunn’s new single “Tuxedo” rounds out to be the latter version.
One maxim that you can apply to most modern mainstream country music is that melody has been replaced with rhythm, and story has been replaced with lists. Aside from some selections from country music’s Bro-Country era, Clare Dunn’s “Tuxedo” might be the perfect example of this trend, while giving us the best specimen of a female version of Bro-Country we’ve heard heretofore: Objectification, lists of qualifiers of what makes someone or something country and cool, and the employment of Ebonic annunciations straight out of the playbook of Tyler Hubbard from Florida Georgia Line.
“Tuxedo” scores straight A’s and checks all boxes on the terrible music depth chart, even though it would have been nothing worse than forgettable if it wasn’t for the horrifically monotone verse layout that has less topography than the Bonneville salt flats, and sounds like it’s being sung by the cracker version of Nicki Minaj.
You want to get on the wrong side of authentic music listeners? Culturally appropriate someone else’s native tongue to try and lure in the widest possible mainstream audience. If I want to hear urban attitude belching out of my speakers, I’ll turn on the hip hop station. I don’t need to hear this from the same artist whose trying to market authenticity by telling me she was raised on a farm, while the rhythm section behind her shallow and stereotypical countryisms on what makes the perfect man keeps switching to a drum beat composed on a Tascam.
The video reinforces the shallowness of the entire thing by renting a underwear model from a Calvin Klein shoot to play Clare Dunn’s bronkin’ buck, and having Clare strap on a Telecaster, which she clearly requested a mirror for instead of an amplifier since the damn thing isn’t even plugged in. Instead of portraying real life on a working farm with piles of manure and unpaid bills, Dunn’s hair is perfectly plumed and wind-whipped, while a dab of sweat in her Maybelline foundation would have caused the whole production to stop down. Even the horses in the “Tuxedo” video know these people are assholes.
“Tuxedo” is not the way to re-integrate women into mainstream country, it’s the way to keep them subservient as willful participants in trend-chasing. This pandering to radio may work for Kelsea Ballerini, but Clare Dunn seems like too much of an unknown quantity to have “Tuxedo” cut through. If you sell out, it better work. All Clare Dunn’s “Tuxedo” inspires is a hay allergy.
May 24, 2016 @ 11:49 am
So sad about this one. I’ve seen her live & she is actually great but this songs is AWFUL! So it will be a #1 at radio for sure. Hoping that she can just put out something else & we can all fort about this one.
May 24, 2016 @ 1:34 pm
She actually knows her way around a guitar fairly well.
But yeah, this song is awful.
May 24, 2016 @ 11:50 am
Wow. Even your eviscerating review couldn’t prepare me for how truly awful that was.
May 24, 2016 @ 12:15 pm
What the hell is it with all the “ooooohs”? Really? Is this what country has come down to? Wow! I get that what’s good for the gander should be good for the goose, but at least make it sound better than a cow in heat!
May 30, 2016 @ 4:09 pm
I don’t think this is anything new. Recall Shania Twain from about 20 years ago, her voice was described by some listeners as resembling a sexy dying animal.
May 24, 2016 @ 12:25 pm
Wow, Florida Georgia Line all of a sudden feeling good about your review of their work
May 24, 2016 @ 12:43 pm
First five seconds: What’s up with Trig? This just sounds regular ol’ bad, not rant bad.
Next four seconds: Sweet mother of god, why didn’t Trig issue a stronger warning?
May 24, 2016 @ 12:44 pm
I think subjecting those poor horses to that counts as animal abuse.
May 24, 2016 @ 12:51 pm
HAHAHAHA…….I saw this last week on CMT at about 5am and thought, “Why hasn’t Trigger reviewed this yet.”
May 24, 2016 @ 12:55 pm
Fuck me, I think that just made my soul bleed.
May 24, 2016 @ 1:06 pm
Just rewatched it, he didn’t even dig a posthole for that post when he fixed the barbed-wire fence. That’s when it got really ridiculous for me.
May 24, 2016 @ 2:31 pm
That would have actually turned his super sweet bright and clean white v neck into the dirty white tee she was singing about.
May 24, 2016 @ 9:32 pm
Mention a post hole auger to that dude and laugh at the confused look on his face.
May 26, 2016 @ 7:52 am
This. She’s carrying a fucking t-post pounder at 1:42, wonder what she plans to do with that? Don’t get me started on how laughably short her “country boy’s” stirrups are. Insulting.
May 24, 2016 @ 1:06 pm
Trigger. Have you ever made a review of band that will probably never mkae a record or even tour because they play together just “for fun”. But even thou they
play together just for fun, and most of them are not Country musicians, well It’s
better than this. The band call themselves:
Dolores Diaz & The Standby Club
And you will probebly recognize a couple of the member…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=za0ZIE8z9Mg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cxxxYgcoYI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1w4rObh3QY
May 25, 2016 @ 12:47 pm
I will check it out.
May 25, 2016 @ 1:39 pm
Thank you very much but they are as said a group of musician who do it just for fun. And i think the “the Standby Club” part of their name is a sort of reference to that, musician that are “on standby” and and the members can vary but they all like Country and because of that they chosen to play mostly Country covers…So I’m not shore of how much of interest it is to the readers of of this webbsite…
But i like them just because they don’t are taking themselves to seriously…
But here are three articles about them:
http://www.omaha.com/go/conor-oberst-returns-to-stage-to-play-favorite-country-songs/article_1540a3ce-b2e4-11e5-92b9-f31016e1c8e4.html
http://www.thereader.com/story/conor_oberst_talks_dolores_diaz_and_the_standby_club
http://lazy-i.com/2016/05/live-review-dolores-diaz-so-so-glos-tonight/
May 24, 2016 @ 1:42 pm
Hey Trigger, are you planning on reviewing Brad Paisley and Demi Lovato’s duet, Without a Fight?
May 24, 2016 @ 4:50 pm
We’ll see.
May 24, 2016 @ 5:36 pm
I hope so, because I think it is a great duet and Demi Lovato is an above average vocalist. Plus, Demi is still more Country than Sam Hunt.
May 25, 2016 @ 6:33 am
can we stop using the phrase “more country than sam hunt”. Its roughly the equivalent of saying more colorful than tuesday. It has no meaning.
May 25, 2016 @ 6:48 am
Not equivalent. Nobody’s claiming that Tuesday is a color. Sam Hunt, however, is promoted as a country artist.
May 25, 2016 @ 8:24 am
Your comment’s more country than sam hunt
#OhTheIrony
May 24, 2016 @ 1:53 pm
My so-called music.
May 24, 2016 @ 1:56 pm
Holy god this is bad.
May 24, 2016 @ 1:54 pm
Trigger, that first paragraph was pure poetry.
May 24, 2016 @ 2:00 pm
Good lord… I just listened to it. Fuck this song. Let me tell you something- when a “country” man gets home from work, he is smelly, dirty, and usually in a bad mood. He’s worked his ass off all day for almost no money, and there’s no end in sight to the grind. One of my best friends is a real deal country boy(“Southern” describes me better than “country”), and he hates doing his manual labor job. And there aren’t any women getting turned on watching him work. Oh, and no blue collar worker looks like a gay model. There aren’t words to describe how stupid this song is. Move over “Cruise”.
May 24, 2016 @ 2:07 pm
hahaha I love reviews like this. Thanks for putting into words what we were all trying to say. Heard this on satellite radio the other day and it made me pretty miserable, just terrible. Her holding that guitar is so funny since you can’t even hear a guitar in the song.
May 24, 2016 @ 2:41 pm
I think Trigger was being awfully generous giving this pure shit a 1. She gets the top prize for using every damn cliche you can think of though.
May 24, 2016 @ 2:44 pm
As for this song, well, at least it is not a sister song to Dear Future Husband.
May 24, 2016 @ 2:52 pm
This song was on Nashville Country Club’s poll this week (not sure who the results go to but I occasionally vote in the hopes that it will make a difference). Even for songs I don’t care for, I usually try to listen to the whole clip just in case my gut reaction was wrong.
For this song, though, within five seconds I knew there was no need to listen any longer, voted it down and moved to the next one. I may listen to the video with the sound turned off. May not like the song but I do like horses. 🙂
As a side note, Chris Stapleton’s Parachute was also in the poll. I immediately voted that one up but listened to the whole clip anyway. 😉
May 24, 2016 @ 3:03 pm
I am not going to click on the video. I avoid crappy music. Why you people subject yourself to something that you know you will hate is beyond me. I have not (to my knowledge) heard most of the artists that people on this site bitch about. Quit doing this to yourselves!
May 24, 2016 @ 4:31 pm
I do it because I hate myself. And Clare Dunn. I definitely hate that bitch now, too.
May 24, 2016 @ 4:41 pm
lol. Trigger, can we please get together and write the song “piles of manure and unpaid bills” that line was freaken genius!
May 24, 2016 @ 4:48 pm
Unbelievable. She has entirely thrown her career down the drown and squandered whatever good reputation she once had. In my opinion, this whole craze over urban lyricism and r&b styling is far worse than bro-country hits like “Cruise” and “Dirt Road Anthem.”
May 24, 2016 @ 5:06 pm
I’m sure this will be an unpopular view around here but I’m of the opinion that the Florida Georgia Line team (other writers included) actually have some pretty immense talent in writing catchy songs but degrade their own efforts with completely unnecessary electronic beats, ill-fitting slang and a solid dose of objectification of women (and everything else) to fit in with the current trends on music row. I actually think they could be a good band (re: dirt), but it becomes clear pretty quick how shallow the trend is when songs like “Tuxedo” come around that have all the trend markers listed above checked off but have zero songwriting value or even a hint of something that could get stuck in your head. If I hadn’t watched the music video, I would have assumed this was on the local pop station, not the local country station.
May 24, 2016 @ 5:39 pm
Yeah, you’re right-I disagree. I think FGL legitimately means well, but they simply don’t know any better. I think “dirt” was them giving it literally everything they had and it still sucked. Willie Nelson wrote that song about “woke up still not dead again today” on a whim and it’s a thousand times better than all of FGL’s efforts combined. Yes, it’s harsh to compare them to Willie, but fuck it-he’s one of the last living legends and I’m well within my rights to compare them to the standard he set.
Again, I think they just don’t know better which is why I don’t hate them as much as guys like Aldean or Shelton who clearly know better but like getting paid too much. And I think they actually tried, like with “dirt.” But their try-hard, best effort is still just shit. It’s just shit.
May 28, 2016 @ 8:11 am
Don’t give them that much credit. FGL didn’t write that song. But even a blind squirrel can find a nut every now and then.
May 24, 2016 @ 5:25 pm
Well……………………….That’s a great Fender guitar she’s got.
May 24, 2016 @ 5:47 pm
No……….Just…….. No.
My ears couldn’t take the suffering, turned it off. After 20 seconds.
May 24, 2016 @ 5:56 pm
Wait a minute, I think I seen this chick open for Gary Allan at my Hard Rock in Biloxi a few years ago.
May 24, 2016 @ 6:27 pm
Wait a minute, I think I seen her open for Gary Allan at my Hard Rock in Biloxi a few years ago.
May 24, 2016 @ 6:29 pm
No………….Just………..No.
My ears couldn’t stand the suffering after 30 seconds of, whatever I just listened to. Sis-Country at it’s finest.
May 24, 2016 @ 6:55 pm
Really glad I just got the new live Highwaymen box set to wash that shit out of my ears and eyes.
May 24, 2016 @ 7:24 pm
Damn, I like her. Song sucks though
May 24, 2016 @ 7:57 pm
A-W-F-U-L. I guess I can just leave it at that.
May 24, 2016 @ 8:56 pm
Here’s wondering why it even gt one point instead of the 0 I’d have given it.
May 24, 2016 @ 10:13 pm
Ultimately what is terrible about this song is the flat hip-hop verses. If it wasn’t for them, we wouldn’t even be talking about this song. So in the end, it’s not as bad as songs where every single moment is terrible. Even when roasting a song like this, I still try to be fair.
May 25, 2016 @ 10:31 am
This is for everyone. I’m sure you’ve heard it, but it bears being replayed.
https://youtu.be/ny3K9irFC5k
May 24, 2016 @ 9:00 pm
Yeah, this song is terrible. The video, though, is embarrassing. Holy cow that is awful.
May 24, 2016 @ 10:43 pm
Eww!!!
May 24, 2016 @ 10:56 pm
the highway has been pretty much running this song into the ground for a couple months i’m convinced it’s only about 60 seconds long cause i gave it that much the first time i heard it and have yet to hear more than that
May 25, 2016 @ 1:30 am
she’s from Colorado. if she’s a Broncos fan, she gets an automatic pass from me and you guys should be ashamed for being so mean
May 25, 2016 @ 4:12 am
““Tuxedo” scores straight A’s . . .” – savingcountrymusic.com
At least she has that blurb she can promote.
May 25, 2016 @ 4:57 am
Two words.
Fuck this.
May 25, 2016 @ 6:13 am
Yeah, Grade A Terrible. The worst part for me is her in the barn with the guitar and dancing in the barn door. It’s just awkwardly bad. I feel embarrassed for her.
May 26, 2016 @ 2:05 am
shades of all that shania shit ……
May 25, 2016 @ 9:47 am
Ms. Dunn:
What you have just performed is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent diatribe was there anything that was even CLOSE to what could be considered a rational thought. And EVERYONE, on this site, is now dumber for having listened to it.
I award you no points. And may God have mercy on your soul!
May 25, 2016 @ 10:31 am
An open letter from the country music industry to its listeners:
We hate you. Go fuck yourselves you pieces of shit.
P.S. please keep listening to country radio, k thx bye
May 26, 2016 @ 2:03 am
Just when you think ……………well …you know
The mystery to me when I hear something like this is WHO in God’s name thinks this song , this video , this ‘performance ‘ was worth investing TONS of their money into ?This stuff costs a LOT to put together …studio musicians ,studio time , engineering , producing , mastering , video crew , director , actors , distribution / promotion , CD production . With all of those costs and people on the payroll , SOMEONE , or a few someones , actually thought this was a good song and were willing to gamble actual dollars that people would like it enough that they could make money on their investment . That thought alone just blows my mind . The fact that there are people who have absolutely no clue about the biz and would still gamble that clueless listeners will think this is quality worth spending hard earned dollars on is a fact that I cannot for the life of me wrap my head around . Jesus this thing sucks !
May 26, 2016 @ 5:58 am
I made it exactly 8 seconds into that piece of crap. Thank go we don’t have to rely on radio for our music anymore.
May 26, 2016 @ 8:34 am
It seems like the less relevant country radio becomes (the more people turn to Sirius and Spotify and the like), the worse mainstream country gets. Which makes “real” music fans listen even less. Which causes the music to ge teven worse apparently…and so forth.
May 26, 2016 @ 8:47 am
great observation Elin . The bar keeps getting lowered in terms of quality in order to appeal to a progressively younger uncaring , undiscerning demographic with dollars to drop . This seems to be the same scenario taking place in pop music ….certainly lyrically . Read the lyric to a Maroon 5 hit …or Adele’s’Hello ‘…. They seem written for a 10 year old but don’t even actually make sense narratively .
May 27, 2016 @ 6:55 am
All I can say is WTF?
May 27, 2016 @ 10:12 pm
Y’all knew it was coming sooner or later…so I’ll go on and say it…
Beyonce’s “Daddy Lessons” is a SHIT TON more Country than this will ever be!
My God is it awful. Oh, I feel so bad for her, bless her heart.
May 29, 2016 @ 5:54 am
There’s bad…..
…And then there’s “Wanting to pry your brain out of your skull with a crowbar, throw it on the ground, and stomp on it violently until you die while screaming, “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. MAKE IT STOP!!!” bad. This song falls in to the latter category.
I do appreciate what Trigger is doing, but I feel bad for him that he has to subject himself to this utter crap so that we don’t have to! You’re the real MVP, Trigger.
May 31, 2016 @ 7:45 pm
I am simultaneously laughing my ass off and cringing at this. Where in the seven hells of Chaos was this birthed?
June 6, 2016 @ 4:52 pm
I was pissed that she dared mention George Strait’s name in this crap. My ears were already bleeding, so it’s possible I heard it wrong, but if not…sacrilege!
June 16, 2016 @ 5:08 am
I wouldn’t mention “Maybelline foundation” in an article. One of Kelsea Ballerini’s songwriters may be reading this article and use that as a song title…even worse, it would go to radio and chart as well!!!
August 16, 2016 @ 3:20 pm
I actually liked the intent of this song; it just missed the mark by a huge margin with that abysmal chorus, the over-clichéd lyrics, and some contradicting moments in the video such as the “dirty white tee” when the video showed the man’s shirt as spotless.
December 5, 2019 @ 5:21 am
This has got to be the cringiest song of all time!