The People Who Read the New People Country Magazine
2014 is turning out to be the year of the celebrity crotch sniffer in country music. The word is out that country is fertile ground for advertisers and is a fast-rising subject in popular culture, so interlopers and carpetbaggers are rolling out the red carpet for country all over the place, and it’s getting quite stupid.
If you have anything to do with “media” the chances are you’re betting big on country music in 2014. Clear Channel’s trying to build a country music empire that would give Napoleon a stiffy, Cumulus has the brilliant idea of making country music food, paint, clothes, and furniture, Rolling Stone has even promised to get into the country music game, but the stoners at Rolling Stone got beat to the punch by none other than People Magazine, who has just launched their own dedicated country music website. Yes, how did we ever get along without this before?
I know, you’ve been wondering who’s going to broach such hot button, riveting, in-depth country music stories like “Luke Bryan Is the Kevin Bacon of Country’s Gang of Georgia Boys” (No, I didn’t make this title up), or “Third Child on the Way for Joe Don Rooney” (That’s the non weird-looking dude from Rascal Flatts), or “Dan + Shay: 5 Things to Know About Country’s Hot New Duo” (The only thing you need to know is their label have anointed them superstars because of their looks, despite not having the talent to even deserve a developmental deal). Well now we’re all in luck, because People CoUnTrY is HERE!
You can’t say that People Magazine hasn’t been on the country beat before though. Remember when they ran that story all about how Jason Aldean was the perfect husband and father …. the same week he was caught feeling up some American Idol castoff in L.A.? Now there’s a scoop.
Actually, I give People Country credit on this point: there’s so many country music outlets these days where the music is just an excuse to talk about people in the public eye instead of anything substantive, at least someone has the rocks to do it without pretense. Plus, I scored some killer makeup tips from their tour of Taylor Swift’s makeup drawer!
The fact the People Magazine now has a dedicated country wing proves the theory that people aren’t into popular country music for the music, but for the celebrity culture and image that surrounds it. They’re too busy fighting off the glare from Jason Aldean’s sparkling white teeth to pay attention to the fact that the music sucks. The only way I know how to solve this country music conundrum is to call in the Kinkster.
Preach it Kinky!
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April 5, 2014 @ 9:43 am
The fact the People Magazine now has a dedicated country wing proves the theory that people aren”™t into popular country music for the music, but for the celebrity culture and image that surrounds it. They”™re too busy fighting off the glare from Jason Aldean”™s sparkling white teeth to pay attention to the fact that the music sucks.
Spot-on.
And what the hell kind of duo name is “Dan + Shay” anyway?
April 5, 2014 @ 9:58 am
The only duo that is Saving Country Music approved to use mathematical symbols in their name is Joey + Rory.
April 5, 2014 @ 5:52 pm
That seems to be a real problem with music “journalism” as a whole these days — it’s all about celebrities, lifestyles and tabloid antics, with no regard to what the music actually sounds like, what went into it and/or what may have inspired it.
I guess that would be fine for folks who consume music as just another accessory or household product (like anything else you can find on the end caps at Wal-Mart or wherever); but it’s pretty much pointless for more curious listeners (whether they want to explore new sounds, dig into the past, or even just catch up with old favorites they’d lost track of).
April 6, 2014 @ 6:02 am
Personally, I prefer country weekly. They have the best country fashion advice. I don’t dip, but I keep an empty can in my back pocket so I get the “skoal ring.” I need to look cool at the next Jason Aldean concert when I’m rocking out and posting about it on facebook via white iPhone 5.
April 6, 2014 @ 8:27 am
You’re already behind. You need the 5S now. Preferably in gold. The iPhone 5 is SOOOO 2013!
April 6, 2014 @ 9:52 am
You guys are keeping up with the trends. You’ve got to give me tips on what beer to drink at what shows. Last few times I felt out of place because I was the only one not drinking PBR. Shame on me for actually watching the shows with my flip phone in my pocket and a local mirco brew in my hand instead of drinking PBR and shoving a smart phone in the air.
April 6, 2014 @ 12:22 pm
Travis, I will help you out. First, it does not matter what kind of beer you drink. The only thing that matters is it has to be Ice Cold. Not just cold, ICE COLD. If it is not Ice Cold, then it is not hip and happening in country music.
Secondly, make sure you drive to the concert in a brand new Chevy Silverado. Make sure it is jacked up and you have speakers that go boom boom. Chevrolet has an exclusive contract with country music, thus the Chevy Silverado is the only truck that is deemed cool for the genre. Fords are soooooooooo “Generation X.”
Finally, make sure your girlfriend or significant other is never called by her name. The only title to use toward her is “girl.” Any other term used toward her is totally not happening. And by NO MEANS address her by name. Furthermore, make sure she is wearing lipstick and/or lip gloss and reapplys it every 3 minutes during the show. Shade or rand is irrelevant.
Hope this helps
Bobby Bones
aka the greatest country music DJ in history!
April 7, 2014 @ 7:57 am
I’ll be honest – that made me laugh out loud.
April 7, 2014 @ 8:17 am
Don’t be giving all this insider info out, bro. It’s for outsiders only.
April 8, 2014 @ 7:12 am
And meanwhile, American culture continues it’s grim slide…
April 8, 2014 @ 6:40 pm
Wow. Great to hear People magazine feels the need to add to the glut of vacuous, intellectually bankrupt publications out there. So many choices out there with so little to say! What are we going to be treated to next? An article on cooking from Florida Georgia Line?
Trigger, the first paragraph in this article is so spot on it’s hilarious! It’s so perfect you could have ended the article right there! Thumbs up, man.