Dallas Cowboys Face Another “Devastating” Season Setback After Luke Bryan Named Halftime Performer
“We’re going to get through this as a team,” says Dallas Cowboys Head Coach Jason Garrett.
– – – – – – –
In a season that started out so promising for America’s Team, including a 2-0 record with key wins against division opponents and a roster that some believed was good enough to make another run at the Super Bowl, adversity has struck once again.
Before the 2015 football season even started, the Dallas Cowboys franchise lost their best defensive player when star cornerback Orlando Scandrick went down in practice with a torn ACL and was deemed out for the year. Then wide receiver Dez Bryant, arguably the second-best player on the Cowboys, suffered a foot injury in a Week 1 victory against the New York Giants which sidelined him for the first half of the season. Then the very next week, the team’s leader, quarterback Tony Romo went down with a broken left clavicle during a win over the Philadelphia Eagles. Since the injuries, the Cowboys have dropped four straight.
To add insult to injury, on Tuesday (10-27), the Dallas Cowboys got the devastating news that that Bro-Country superstar Luke Bryan will be performing the halftime show of the team’s annual Thanksgiving Day game on November 26th. The news was said to be taken like a cannon shot to the gut of the already bruised and battered locker room, and now the morale of the team is at an all-time low.
“Luke Bryan? Are you kidding me? This is devastating,” said the team’s backup long snapper, DeMarcus Frankenfurter. “Why don’t they just roll a dumpster out to the 50 yard line and set it on fire?”
In his weekly press conference, Dallas Cowboys Head Coach Jason Garrett spoke about the news.
“We’re going to get through this as a team,” Garrett said. “We talk to our players all the time about adversity, and how every team faces adversity, and the ones who succeed are the teams to can meet that adversity and rise to the challenge by taking one day at a time, one play at a time, focusing on the task at hand, and winning in all three phases of the game: offense, defense, and special teams.”
Still, Coach Garrett’s lesson on perseverance isn’t resonating with some on the team. “Get King George Strait to play it. Hell, he sold out the Death Star for his final concert,” suggested DeMarcus Frankenfurter. “Or there’s this whole new generation of cool country artists these days, folks like Sturgill Simpson, Chris Stapleton, and Jason Isbell who’d do a hell of a lot better than plain vanilla Luke Bryan.”
This won’t be the first time for Luke Bryan to perform at a sporting event. At the All-Star Game in 2012, Bryan sang the National Anthem while nefariously reading the words off his hand.
October 27, 2015 @ 6:28 pm
This is gonna be great!! Now he’ll finally get put on display to non-country fans who will berate him(like they did Nickelback a few years back at the Lions halftime on Thanksgiving) all over social media…he will become a punchline to sports fans everywhere!!
October 27, 2015 @ 8:24 pm
“This game! We’re playin’! I can’t even keep it all straight! Where’s the yard line? Where’s the end zone? I can’t tell with that song my head, oooooh! I can’t tell if we’re winnin’ or losin’. Somebody tell me, what are we doin’? Nobody’s ever gonna get it in gear, ’cause everybody ’round here had to hear Luke Bryan sing Games!”
On the downside, non-country fans may see Luke Bryan and think ALL country singers are talentless douchebags, and ALL country songs are stupid fluff. They won’t know any better. Everybody’s definition of country music will be Luke Bryan. Talk about giving country a bad name!
October 27, 2015 @ 6:31 pm
I think I would rather watch a dumpster fire. Good one, Trig.
October 27, 2015 @ 6:57 pm
America’s team my ass.
October 27, 2015 @ 7:24 pm
You must be a Cowboys fan, Trigger! That Garrett quote was spot on! Hilarious story.
October 27, 2015 @ 7:33 pm
This is on Thanksgiving day? Maybe it will be just a taped performance. So many others would be better as we know. How much money does ” the God Father of Bro Country get for this,SERIOUSLY he should be spending the day with his family in Nashville and spare us his LAME performance. UGH!
October 29, 2015 @ 8:37 am
He can zip down in his private jet, do the show, and still be back home in a couple of hours to eat. Then, most importantly, go hunting to plug his shit at Cabella’s all over social media. He’ll make a coupla million before sunset that day.
October 29, 2015 @ 8:38 am
Seriously doubt it considering Luke Bryan is such a media hog, he will hang around for all the selfies with the team and all the cheerleaders.
October 27, 2015 @ 7:46 pm
Oooooh hoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoohoo!
You can’t ignore these bozos even if you try. They’re like acne; always showing up in the most embarrassing places. You can’t scratch them too hard without bursting them, and if they DO burst, they can leave a nasty scar. Hahaha maybe DeMarcus Frankenfurter should tackle Lukey boy into that flaming dumpster, as a sacrifice to the Country Music Jesus so He’ll come and save us! Here’s hoping!
October 27, 2015 @ 8:07 pm
You hear fans of folks like Luke Bryan often say, “If you don’t like it, don’t listen.” But of course the problem is you can’t get away from it. Sports is an excellent example. Mainstream country is all over it. That is one of the reasons there’s so much opposition to it in sports media. These are sports fans, not pop country fans, and it’s being shoved down their throats at halftime shows, in commercials, in game intros, etc.
October 28, 2015 @ 3:23 pm
Why tackle him? The goof will probably fall off the stage on his own. It’s a guarantee if he happens to be chewing gum whiles he’s up there.
October 27, 2015 @ 7:56 pm
I’d love this post even if I wasn’t a N.Y. Giants fan!!! This is hilarious!
October 27, 2015 @ 8:01 pm
Jerry Jones already called Greg Hardy a “great leader” so it’s only natural he’d get a great singer for his halftime show.
October 27, 2015 @ 8:14 pm
That is disturbing news; Trigger even that’s an insult with injury to the Dallas Cowboys. Great Story Trigger for preparing my Thanksgiving halftime. I take a bathroom break during this garbage performance during halftime show.
October 27, 2015 @ 8:38 pm
at leest hes tryin .
October 27, 2015 @ 8:43 pm
As a die hard dallas cowboys I am greatly saddened today. At least I’m going back to ft. Worth to see them play in December gotta love the abundance of good music in ft. Worth
October 27, 2015 @ 9:06 pm
I’ve got a joke that’ll cheer you up:
What do this article, the “Taylor Swift is the New Face of the $10 Bill” article, the “Garth Brooks is Wearing a Phiten Necklace to Destroy Country Music” article, and the “Luke Bryan Wins Female Vocalist of the Year (or something like that)” article have in common?
They all have someone named Frankenfurter in them…
Now Trig, no need to come to my hideout and crap all over my nice, clean bed! I’m just trying to cheer poor Cecil up! Keep ’em comin’, Trig!
Hahahahahahahahahaha!
October 27, 2015 @ 9:24 pm
Oh, wait a minute… It has come to my attention that Luke Bryan really IS playing at that game… I thought it was a joke… Huh… In that case, I take it back. You can go ahead and delete this. As far as Frankenfurter is concerned… it’s not THAT much of an unusual name! Haha!
October 27, 2015 @ 9:10 pm
I’d rather watch my daughter blow my brother. Jebus freaking christ…
October 27, 2015 @ 9:37 pm
You may want to correct the article to state the prior performance was an All-Star game, not the World Series.
October 27, 2015 @ 10:47 pm
I’ve found that if you pop in a set of ear buds and start playing Marty Stuart’s “The Pilgrim”, all this mess becomes much more bearable. Imagine seeing FGL on TV, but hearing Emmylou and Ralph Stanley’s voices. These are the comedic moments I live for.
October 28, 2015 @ 3:29 am
Part of me thinks it’s great to see the Cowboys get what they deserve. But, then again, I don’t know that I’d wish Luke Bryan on my greatest enemies.
October 28, 2015 @ 4:35 am
It’s heartwarming, seeing two people honestly find their other halves. Luke and Jerry, matching cheeks of the perfect ass hat.
October 28, 2015 @ 6:53 am
What, don’t they have enough lady cheerleaders?
October 28, 2015 @ 7:16 am
Correct me if I’m wrong here as I’m from the UK and I might have my US geography wrong, but I think I’m right in saying that Dallas is in Texas? If I’m right, can someone please tell me why that state’s fantastic musical heritage is being ignored in favour of this wanker?
October 28, 2015 @ 8:36 am
Dallas is one of the largest cities in Texas, and most famous. Texas is the largest state, generally viewed as being one of the strongest states economically. Texas as a state, and also Oklahoma (slightly to the North and maybe Northeast) have a very rich musical heritage, as do the Appalachian states (to the East) such as Kentucky, Tennessee, and Virginia. The Appalachian states have a percent rural population almost twice the national average, which is why “eastern” Country Music (Hank Williams,) and Bluegrass music, the most rural of American art forms, generally originated here. By comparison, Texas’ urban areas have grown while its rural areas have generally become very desolate. Subsequently Texas Country Music, by and large by urban performers (although many from rural backgrounds) has had the benefits of a larger population of musicians to call upon, and the band size has been larger and more skilled musicians readily available. However, this urban influence has led to a rift between “true western” music (Sons of the Pioneers, Riders of the Purple Sage, Blazing M Cowboys, Dave McEnery) and more modern/urban western music such as western swing and Texas Country. The steel and electric guitar see the most use in Western Swing and Texas Country, at least traditionally, compared to eastern country sounds, historically due to the availability of electricity compared to the mountains of the Appalachian states. There’s also a more pronounced Mexican/Spanish influence in Texas Country and Western Swing, since Texas was a Mexican province, then later its own territory, and then later a member of the Confederacy. Subsequently brass instruments and bilingual numbers (in English and Spanish) are more common than elsewhere in Country Music, geographically speaking. The southern Eastern states (Louisiana specifically, and Alabama to a lesser extent) have French heritage, so Cajun Country music (though decidedly appealing to a smaller percent of the national market) has a strong hold on the area.\
Hope this helps.
October 28, 2015 @ 8:49 am
Hey, that was mighty interesting, I never thought about things like the late arrival of electricity to Appalachia generally speaking, and the effect it might have on the sound. Lots of interesting tidbits there.
But still, why Luke Bryant instead of, say, George Strait, for instance? The (arggghhhhh) mighty, mighty youth demographic factor?
October 28, 2015 @ 8:49 am
It does indeed Fuzzy, though I was only joking really! Though I’m here in the old country I know the US pretty well, particularly Texas! I’m back over to Austin in February for the Ameripolitan awards ….. I like both kinds of music – Western AND Swing!!!
October 28, 2015 @ 10:19 am
You must’ve seen the Blues Brothers movie, where they stop at some dive with the ubiquitous chicken wire across the stage (to protect the band from the flying beer bottles and such), where, when the band asks the waitress what kind of music they should play, she replies, “We like both knds, country AND western”, lol.
October 28, 2015 @ 9:10 am
Fuzzy ….you should open your own Wikipedia store …maybe Fuzzipedia ? Y’ know ….the RIGHT way . With T-shirts and ball caps . I never knew how much I never knew .
October 28, 2015 @ 8:50 am
As my Big Papa used to say about all half-time shows,”This is all well and good, but what’s it got to do with football…”
Of course, the same could be asked of country music, I s’pose…
October 28, 2015 @ 8:51 am
Haha. Still not as egregious as employing that garbage human, Greg Hardy. But it’s kind of frustrating nonetheless. I hate halftime musical performances. Just give me more game analysis or, hell, just show the cheerleaders. The cross promoting of sports with music or other pop culture is an annoying aspect of being a fan.
If you have to have a musical performance, bring in Aaron Watson on the cheap. The ratings will be the same and he could benefit from the exposure. But, it’s all about sponsors. Sports is as corporate as music or anything else.
October 28, 2015 @ 9:23 am
The dirty little secret is the halftime show is the play to the female demographic to tune in.
October 28, 2015 @ 9:41 am
Interestingly enough, they will be playing Hardy’s former team (the currently unbeaten Panthers) on Thanksgiving.
October 28, 2015 @ 10:32 am
Silly, silly foosball. Foosball is the opiate of the American masses… Luke Bryan is just a d-bag.
October 28, 2015 @ 11:04 am
No need to insult vanilla, DeMarcus.
October 28, 2015 @ 3:09 pm
Seriously the great state of Texas has great artist out it’s backdoor and we’re going to parade this garbage out to the fan? Would love to see the fans of real country music that Texas is putting out show up and Boo him off stage. Better yet Charlie Robinson comes out and crashes it. lol
October 28, 2015 @ 3:29 pm
“Seriously the great state of Texas has great artist out it”™s backdoor and we”™re going to parade this garbage out to the fan? ”
Wow …you said it Leland . A disgrace to the state , in my humble Canadian opinion
October 28, 2015 @ 3:27 pm
I remember watching Pure Country as a kid and the parallels between today’s country artists and the artist Dusty is uncanny.
October 29, 2015 @ 7:26 am
The difference is that Dusty knew in his heart that something wasn’t right about what he was doing, whereas Luke Bryan and his ilk seem to be fully convinced that they’re moving in the right direction.
October 28, 2015 @ 5:34 pm
This sounds like something Roger Goodell would do to the NFL.
October 28, 2015 @ 8:23 pm
As a die-hard Panthers fan I will be watching every minute of this game.The half-time show not so much.
Luke Bryan is a black hole of suckitude from which we can’t escape! It’s not enough he helped screw up country music now it’s on to football. If this tool could somehow find a way to ruin fishing for me it would be a hat trick.
October 28, 2015 @ 10:21 pm
Another reason to say … Go Texans !!!!
Although they aren’t really doing any better this year
October 29, 2015 @ 8:25 am
Lukes fans think he walks on water so this will not have much of a negative impact