This Graham Barham Guy (A Rant)

Down with Pop Country 74 Comments


Ready your rape kits America, because the music of Graham Barham is spreading on social media like a bad rash and infecting your little chickadees faster than an ultra-viral avian flu. It’s easier to find a carton of eggs for under $4 these days than it is to uncover anything of value in Graham Barham’s so-called “music.” This dude oozes affluenza more than a mealy-mouthed little $hit whose parents paid off the local judge after he murdered a family of four drunk in his Bugatti.

Imagine using the most advanced surgical procedures enhanced by cutting-edge AI technology to meticulously isolate and extract the very kernel essence of what made performers like Sam Hunt and Florida Georgia Line so sinister and cringe, and then using the latest bio-engineering to increase the mass of this little piece of evilness until it takes a human form. This is what you get with Graham Barham. It’s absolutely everything that was abhorrent about Bro-Country in a purified, unadulterated state, served to the public with no chaser.

If this guy called a spade a spade and admitted this is nothing more than a bad White boy hip-hop act, then it would be none of our business over here in By God country music. But Graham Barham and the weasel-dicked cucks at Sony who signed this asshole actually legitimately think this is country music. And now like the second coming of Bailey Zimmerman, they’re thrusting this chode down the poor throats of the country music consumer. Knowing our luck, he’ll be winning CMA Awards in nine months.

What’s for certain is that for some reason, there is insane amounts of capital behind this self-important misogynist, with his videos featuring busty chicks, including that famous ring girl chick from the Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul fight via his new track “Oil Money.” Just like so much of the worst hip-hop, this dude is all about touting materialism and objectification—the exact opposite of the everyman vibe actual country music attempts to capture.

Graham Barham’s origin story is one of a sweet young man from Louisiana who grew up on the family farm and learned to sing at church on Sundays. Then somehow that all translates into this ultra-processed electronic monogenre product pushed to country since he’d be catching 9mm loads if they tried to foist this crap on hip-hop.



Am I mad, bro? You bet your ass. The acidic bile welling up in the gut of any self-respecting country music fan at the mere sight or sound of this Graham Barham character should be potent enough to melt silverware.

But should be worried about the second coming of Bro-Country, brought forward by guys like this Graham Barham shithead? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. This guy doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page yet since most of his fans can’t even read. This is some weird niche Tik-Tok thing that is popular in part by the shock factor of how terrible it is, propped up by folks who never considered themselves country fans until they heard Shaboozey.

This type of White boy hip-hop with shallow, country-adjacent lyricism will exist as long as methamphetamine and Mountain Dew Baja Blast does. All of it will rot your teeth, but none of it is existential to actual country music. Because despite turds like Graham Barham, real country music continues to be on the upswing, led by Zach Top and a growing list of young and promising performers.

So rest assured country fans. And Graham Barham? Go eat a dick.

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