Marshmello Now Has a #1 Song in Country Music (A Rant)

Down with Pop Country 95 Comments


Perhaps it’s appropriate that it’s Halloween, and the performer with the #1 song on country radio is a buffoonish, goofy-headed cartoonist-like doofus that’s an unequivocal embarrassment to the country music genre.

…and even worse, Kane Brown paired up with a dude with a marshmallow on his head to record it.

I’d never heard the song “Miles On It” because like any self-respecting country music fan, I avoid corporate country radio like the house on the block that gives away apples and pocket change to trick-or-treaters.

But after a 30-second taste, I determined I’d rather ingest an Almond Joy laced with a razor blade, or put out a flaming bag of poo on my front porch in a brand new pair of $1,800 Lucchese boots than be subjected to a nanosecond more of this monstrous abomination oozing out of the hind quarters of the Music Row sausage factory like a wicked shit, only to be animated similar to Frankenstein to terrorize unsuspecting country music fans on the public airwaves.

To be frank, “Miles On It” isn’t the worst we’ve heard. It’s just the same stupid country radio song we’ve been subjected to 1,000 times before. Yet as inexplicable as watching a ghastly apparition float down the staircase of a spooky house, it took ten songwriters, TEN OF THEM, to write something that Chat GPT could spit out in the split second a computer stays powered on after you unplug it.

“Miles On It” is yet another dumb country song about a damn truck. We thought we’d moved well past this era, but we’ve come to expect nothing less from Kane Brown who is so intellectually challenged, he once got lost on his own property and had to call police to rescue him. No joke.


You would think at the least that these EDM dorks like Marshmello would have enough self-respect to not participate in this kind of excruciatingly obvious commercial dreck. Country music already has its own version of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in Jelly Roll. But here we are where mainstream country these days has more odds and sods than the Mos Eisley Spaceport from Star Wars.

Marty Stuart, David Allan Coe, and Alison Krauss never had a #1 song in country, but now this marshmallow asshole does. These days, country music offloads #1’s to like Tootsie rolls at the bottom of the bowl at the end of Halloween night. Because they’re meaningless, manufactured, meritless baubles that simply measure the commitment a major label has to making a track a “hit.”

At least a song like Morgan Wallen’s/Post Malone’s “I Had Some Help,” or “Shaboozey’s “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” have some sort of heartbeat, some tiny sliver of a story, and at least a kernel of originality. “Miles On It” isn’t as much terrible as it is so much nothing.

Who actually listens to this stuff anyway, and determines it’s good? “Miles On It” is a song for people who eat Lucky Charms for dinner, and fish out the marshmallows specifically and leave the rest. Does Kane Brown have any actual, hardcore fans? Have you ever seen someone out in the wild in a Kane Brown T-shirt? AIDS probably has more real fans that Kane Brown does.

Country music has come a long way in the last couple of years. But apparently it’s still capable to serving up this kind of vapid, meaningless dribble, and taking it all the way to #1.

Yes, a man with a marshmallow on his damn head now has a #1 song in country music. Scary times indeed.



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