A while back we showcased the 6 Pop Country Archetypes, now it’s time to showcase the song formulas that Music Row employs to appeal to them. these are the other templates that professional songwriters in BMI’s and ASCAP’s cubicle farms slave away at fleshing out in various forms. when you crack the cellophane on a Music Row CD, you can almost be guaranteed you will see most of the formulas used.
All the stupid name-calling and sarcasm aside, these opinions and fun poking are based on my specific musical tastes, but I always believe artists should be measured against themselves first, and what The Moonshine Bandits do in “My Kinda Country” is sell themselves out by seeking mainstream acceptance in such an overt attempt that flies in the face of their self-constructed image as country rap “Outlawz”.
Yes, there’s always been stupid songs, but I fail to find the historical precedence of when they have been celebrated to this extent. Did Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue” or Roger Miller’s “Chug-a-Lug” walk away with hardware on awards night? What the hell is wrong with me not wanting to be embarrassed by country music?
Every once in a while a song comes along in country music that really inspires you. ..and then there’s Toby Keith’s toast to the onset of idiocracy, “Red Solo Cup”. But believe it or not, the song did inspire Bo Phillips, brother of Stoney LaRue, whose video of a “Red Solo Cup” parody called “Blue Dixie Cup” recorded at the legendary Gruene Hall in Texas is making the rounds.
Wow. My little country music heart was sent reeling this morning when I rolled up to the track list and list of contributors for the new Waylon – The Music Inside, Vol. 2 compilation due out January 24th. The thing read like my lampoon of the unfinished Hank Williams songs, but unfortunately it is all too real folks.
Have you ever wondered who actually listens to those songs they play on pop country radio? Here are the six primary Archetypes, or as Music Row refers to them, “target demographics”, that make up the audience of the pop country world: The “Affliction T-Shirt “New Outlaw” Doucher”, “Bored Suburban Soccer Mom”, “Glitter-Faced Pop Country Girl”…
I can’t recall a year with this high caliber of a crop of bad songs. This group can hold their own against the Achy Breaky Hearts and Honky Tonk Bandonka Donk’s of the last few decades. And this year might be the first that songs do well not in spite of being stupid, but because they are stupid.
You know, it’s not very becoming to gloat. But sometimes you just can’t help it, like after you’ve been attacked by a mob of very angry (and curiously, very Asian) Scotty McCreery fans who told me that their beloved American Idol alum Scotty would NEVER lip sync, as I asserted he did on The CMA Awards a couple of weeks back.
During Martina McBride’s rendition of her song “I’m Gonna Love You Through It,” three times during the performance, you could clearly see a teleprompter flashing words in Martina’s direction. During Scotty McCreery’s abridged performance of the song ‘Walk In The Country” from his new album Clear As Day, he was clearly lip syncing.
I can’t make this up folks, there is actually an effort out there to put together what is being called a “country music boy band.” So if you have the ambition to be a musical monkey, then shave your balls, shove a sock down the front of your pants, spike your hair and bleach the tips and get your ass to CountryBoyBandSearch.com to sign up!
As simply as I can put it, making the case that spoken word and rapping in music are the same thing is an ignorance-based insult to the artistic integrity and creativity of both spoken word and rap artists, and to the intelligence of anyone who that case is being made to. Battling the infiltration of country rap is hard enough without revising history.
Remember the viral song “Friday” by Rebecca Black? When that song blew up, some were saying this symbolized a historic shift in the good music/bad music paradigm, where the song wasn’t popular despite being bad, it was popular because it was bad. we might have the first song taking this paradigm-shifting concept and applying it to a song.
Last week as I was traveling through Tennessee, I took some time to visit downtown Nashville, where I hadn’t been in a few years, and I brought along one of my best friends named Pointer. Pointer goes wherever I go. Funny thing is, we don’t always like the same things. I thought it might be fun and informative to share Pointer and my pictures of our downtown Nashville trip for those who’ve never been there.
The nominations for the 45th Annual CMA Awards were announced this week, with one of the big winners being Jason Aldean. If the voting falls in line with sales numbers, there’s a very good chance Aldean could virtually sweep the awards show. But Jason Aldean seems quick to forget that less then a year ago, just before the 2010 CMA’s, he was panning the CMA’s and their nomination process, calling it rigged.
First country sold its taste, then its heritage to keep the dinosaur corporations that run country music afloat. Now it has sold it’s greatest the asset that has always given country music a distinction from the rest of popular music. It has sold its values, and is creating a generation of knuckle-chucking assholes in Affliction T-Shirts, and the girls who love them.
The last week of July 2011 will go down in history for when Jason Aldean’s country rap “Dirt Road Anthem” crested the #1 spot on the charts for all of country music. Pop songs and just plain bad songs swap out the #1 spot in country all the time, but here’s six reasons “Dirt Road Anthem” hitting #1 is significant.
I tell you, you people make me sick! How dare you accuse the doughy, huggable Gary LeVox of Rascal Flatts, so elegantly crowned as he is with exquisitely-manicured frosted tips like a Chantilly porcupine, of exploiting the poor Caylee Anthony with his new tear-jerking tribute called “She’s Going Places”.
Jason Aldean’s country-rap breakthrough hit “Dirt Road Anthem” is climbing the charts, and after the recent release of the video and his performance with Ludacris at the CMT Awards, I suspect it will remain in the Top 10, if not take one of the top tier spots very soon. So I thought it might be fun to peel the skin back and see what this puppy is made of.
When Justin Moore’s “Outlaws Like Me” comes out, I will listen to it with the most un-bias perspective I can muster, and try my best to judge the music beyond the marketing. But in the meantime, I am not going to look at him as the problem, I am going to look my self and ask, “What did I do wrong? How can I resolve this? What can I do to make sure this doesn’t happen in the future?”
If you want to listen to a true, creative meld of hip hop and country, go listen to some Beck or some Paul’s Boutique-era Beastie Boys. But this Colt Ford stuff is garbage, despite a few catchy lines, and as far as I’m concerned, lending your name to a Colt Ford project lands you a card carrying membership to the “Colt Ford Collaboration Blacklist”. Here’s the names I’ve amassed so far…
I thought we had moved on from the “new Outlaw” era, to pop country stars trying to be the next Taylor Swift. Well apparently not. Now Miranda Lambert’s hubby Blake Shelton wants in on the fun, releasing a song called “Kiss My Country Ass”, an unapologetic, unveiled attempt at the Music Row “Laundry List” songwriting formula, that takes it to another level by rehashing David Allan Coe’s “If That Ain’t Country” and introducing “Outlaw” Blake to the spoon-fed masses.
The fallout continues from Trace Adkins’ stupid song “Brown Chicken, Brown Cow”, as he continues to try to lump blame on others for the song’s unpopularity, though finally admitting to some culpability himself. Despite CMT reporting that Trace used an appearance at the Country Radio Seminar to “apologize profusely to the radio crowd,” Trace is now telling The Boot he’s “Not Sorry”, but that…
I am quite astonished with this in so many different ways I don’t even know where to start. Actually I do. How about with the fact that Gwyneth, across multiple platforms, including movie, radio, and performance, and from a critical and commercial standpoint, has already failed in country music. The movie “Country Strong”, which is the impetus for this whole country music career, was a colossal critical and commercial failure.
Purity and decency in country music just won a big battle, as Trace Adkins’ follow up to “Honky Tonk Badanka Donk” called “Brown Chicken Brown Cow” has been summarily defeated, stalling at #39 in the Billboard country charts, despite a top-level media push and a major music video. Trace Adkins may be dumb, but he’s not stupid, and gave the epitaph himself as an apology to radio.